Title: Welcome to the Idiocene
Author: Max Cafard
Topic: poetry
Date: Fall / Winter 2014
Source: Retrieved on December 11th, 2014 from http://www.fifthestate.org/archive/392-fallwinter-2014/welcome-idiocene/
Notes: Fifth Estate # 392, Fall/Winter 2014. Max Cafard, a lifelong inhabitant of the Island of New Orleans, is a surregionalist writer and pre-Ancientist philosopher. He is the author of The Surregionalist Manifesto and Other Writings, FLOOD BOOK, Surregional Explorations, and the forthcoming Lightning Storm Mind: PreAncientist Meditations. He edits the cyberjournal Psychic Swamp and is a member of Surrealists for Social Responsibility and the Deconstruction Workers Union of the IWW.

It has been proposed that the present era of life on earth should be called the Anthropocene to reflect the human domination of our planet.

However, an elegant, scientific-sounding term like anthropocene seems like a cop-out, a handy euphemism to hide exactly what kind of domination this is and what it’s doing to the planet.

I propose that instead we call it the Idiocene, signifying the New Era of Idiots. Idiot comes from the Greek word “idiutns” meaning both an incompetent person and a private citizen. Idiocene is the one precisely appropriate name for an era that is suicidally stupid and ecocidally privatizing.

Would you like a simple definition of the Idiocene? You might remember the old joke about a robber who comes up to somebody on the street, pulls out a gun and says: “Your money or your life!” The victim pauses and then says, “Can I have a moment to think it over?”

That moment is the Idiocene.

Welcome to the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the Obliviocene
It’s the Distractocene
It’s the DontWorryBeHappyocene
It’s the ADHDocene
It’s the SpacedOutocene
It’s the Narcissocene
It’s the WhichWayIsUpocene
It’s the Amneseocene
It’s the NoThereWhenYouGetThereocene
It’s the BlahBlahBlahocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the Comatosocene
It’s the DruggedOutocene
It’s the Wastedocene
It’s the FiddleWithYourIphoneWhileTheWorldBurnsocene
It’s the Shopoholocene
It’s the SoUpI’mDownocene
It’s the Dopocene
It’s the Undeadocene
It’s the Zonkedocene
It’s the Crunkocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the Assbackwardocene
It’s the FoxToldMeIt’sNotTrueocene
It’s the Moronocene
It’s the Stupidocene
It’s the DumbAssocene
It’s the SingleDigitIQocene
It’s the Imbecilocene
It’s the OutToLunchocene
It’s the Nincompoopocene
It’s the Schlemielocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the EndOfTheLineocene
It’s the HotelTerminusocene
It’s the Nightmareocene
It’s the ChickensComeHomeToRoostocene
It’s the Saw15ocene
It’s the UpShitCreekoscene
It’s the OMGocene
It’s the DeadEndocene
It’s the Suicidocene
It’s the Collapsocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the HumptyDumptocene
It’s the Jonestownocene
It’s the WalkingOffACliffocene
It’s the SpringBreaksOverY’allocene
It’s the BuiltOnAnIndianBurialGroundocene
It’s the ThatsAllFolksocene
It’s the EndOfSmileyFaceocene
It’s the Extinctocene
It’s the ItStinksocene
It’s the DeadMeatocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the KickTheBucketocene
It’s the Croakocene
It’s the SwanSongocene
It’s the KillItIfItMovesocene
It’s the LastGaspocene
It’s the GooseIsCookedocene
It’s the ZombiesInTheMallocene
It’s the NightOfTheLivingDeadocene
It’s the EndOfTheRopeocene
It’s the BiteTheDustocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the NoExitocene
It’s the DeadEndocene
It’s the Wastelandocene
It’s the InTheToiletocene
It’s the Screwedocene
It’s the FuckedUpocene
It’s the Trashedocene
It’s the ShotToHellocene
It’s the DeadDuckocene
It’s the Kaputocene
It’s the Idiocene

Welcome to the Idiocene
It’s the CheckOutocene
It’s the ManBearPigWinsocene
It’s the EverythingMageddonocene
It’s the Apocalyptocene
It’s the MadMaxocene
It’s the ShitHitsTheFanocene
It’s the Y2KForRealThisTimeocene
It’s the WeAllGetDarwinAwardsocene
It’s the MoneyTalksNatureWalksocene
It’s the VeryBadSceneocene
It’s the Idiocene

Yes, folks. It’s the Idiocene
Welcome to the Idiocene